she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
