yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
