I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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