my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
