I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
