wake up i wanna do it froggy style
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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