so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
