She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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