I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
