i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
