Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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