When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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