so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We don't watch enough power rangers
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
