sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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