in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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