i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
