The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
