i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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