I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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