im drinking this country out of the recession.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
