i don't plan on having that self control this summer
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
