alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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