Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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