What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
