I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
