Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
