Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
