I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
