I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
