I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
