I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
