"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
