I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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