I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
