yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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