i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize