We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
