I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
