You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
