You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
