I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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