i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
