ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize