how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
