I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
