i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
