hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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