fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
