I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
