i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize