I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
