So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
