I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I enjoy the company of your penis
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