well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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