I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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