went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
