also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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