Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
