Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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