Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
