If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
