Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I met the friendliest cop last night
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
