dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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