I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
