if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You took a bar mat shot.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
