I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
