Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
