My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
