He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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