Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
