Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
