Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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