im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
