I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
