Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
