Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
