nut hugger
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
