He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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