I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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