two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize