he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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