Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize