i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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