so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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