Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
