Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize